You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
