I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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