i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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