You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
