she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We talked him into tasing himself.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
