Pappa wants mamma naked
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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