She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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