If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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