The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
