i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize