so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
