normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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