I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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