Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
