As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize