My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
