your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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