last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
