so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
