I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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