You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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