Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
