It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
