I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
