The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
