We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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