nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
