who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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