It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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