OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
