it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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