I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
