Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
