...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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