I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Is her dick bigger than yours?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
