I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
