Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
