If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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