While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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