All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize