There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
