So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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