Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
