she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
