this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
