Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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