"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
