My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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