We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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