At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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