Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
