she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
