Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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