Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
