That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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