you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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