woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
