The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
