I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
