i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize