Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize