Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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