The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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