I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
