And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
