u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize