one might say we're banned from that church
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
