If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
