Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
