Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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