Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
