On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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