plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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