It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
